Cosplaying as a Vocaloid
by MidnightNocturne
Summary: The Smashers cosplay as Vocaloids, but there's a catch. They must put put up a live concert and sing in 3 months. They have to overcome obstacles from cooperating with others & the ridiulous -ly funny- Crazy Hand to personal conflicts. NO YAOI/YURI! R&R!
1. Chapter 1: It begins

This is my first fanfic. It has some Jap. honorifics so you should google it if you don't know any. Please R&R!

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"Good morning everyone!" Crazy Hand greeted in his regular comical voice as he burst into the meeting room, followed by two Wire- Frames carrying stacks of paper. The atmosphere was thick with gloom and moodiness.

"You're late again," Roy criticized. He was wearing a crimson t-shirt and black pants.

"Not true. It was 7:46 p.m. before I got here."

"That clock in the office is 2 hours late."

"My clock _never _lies," the floating hand rumbled in his deep, serious pitch, his large fingers centimeters away from the prince's face.

"I- I'll remember that," He managed to say. "Now, I have something verrry special to say," Crazy Hand informed the rest of the Smashers as he turned away from Roy, his tone and personality cheerful again. "Onii-san wanted to let you all know that a special event is coming up. The fans want you people to cosplay!"

"Again?" Snake asked in a bored voice.

"Yep, again. Cosplaying three weeks in a row, isn't that great? Too bad we don't have a part for you."

"Geez, they never get enough, do they?" Falco growled disgustedly.

"Mm," Ike mused in agreement.

"I, Captain Falcon, am very excited about the next upcoming event!" Captain Falcon exclaimed with his right fist held up high. "I will fit the role of a handsome and super- muscular super-hero! Behold!" he flexed his buff body, glimmering in a spotlight that fell on him. "We won't need you this time," Crazy Hand explained, "so you're pretty much useless in this one too." An imaginary arrow with the word "useless" on it pierced his chest. The F-Zero racer stumbled in pain. "Yeah, and you're not really someone you'd call 'handsome,'" Roy added. The words "not handsome" skewered his back like a pike; he dropped to his knees in defeat. "I see," the defeated warrior murmured. "It seem like I have no purpose in living..." He then revealed a small switchblade. "Goodbye, cruel world," he said tragically as the random spotlight fell on him once more. "Falcon, Seppuku!" he cried out as he pointed the knife at his stomach.

"You don't have to go that far, idiot!" Roy scorned angrily from his chair, annoyed by the man's stupidity. "That's right, Falcon-san. I think that's a little too extreme." Link came over to comfort him. "You really have to stop over-reacting to these small things," Samus said as she knelt down beside him. "And I think you'll make a great super-hero!"

"Really?"

"Really."

Tears whelmed up in the man's eyes like a toddler. "Samus-chan is so nice!" he pulled her into an embrace with unnecessary strength that made the blonde's eyes bulge like a child's squeeze toy. "I... can't.... breathe...," she gasped.

"This is disgusting," Roy muttered and covered a part of his face with one hand.

"The only thing that's disgusting here is you and your ugly heart!" Peach denounced.

"Me?! Ugly! Maybe you should look at yourself in the mirror more often, hag!" Roy spat back, getting up from his seat.

Peach also rose from her chair. "I do, every single morning! And everyone knows that you have a hideous personality!"

"I first thought that you were a freak from the circus or a monster from a horror movie!" Roy yelled, leaning to the middle of the table.

Following suit, Peach readied to counter his insult. "Listen, red-head, I'm well aware that I'm beautiful, inside and out! You, on the other hand, may look good on the outside, but you're as ugly as Bowser deep inside!"

_Why me_, Bowser thought hurtfully. "I'm scared," Zelda whimpered, who was in the middle o f the chaos.

A few feet away, Samus and Link were still with Captain Falcon who huddled up in a corner. "By the way, where did you get that knife?" Samus questioned. The man turned his head to Snake, who was lighting a cigarette. Samus and Link followed Captain Falcon's gaze. An imaginary flashing arrow pointed at the mercenary, just above his head.

_I should have known,_ thought Samus .

_Now that was a little too obvious, _the Hylian mused.

"What?" the puzzled smoker asked when he noticed their stares.

Not too far away, Peach and Roy were still screaming all kinds of profanity at each other. "You leave my father out of this! And in case you haven't noticed, your hair reminds me of a big old pile of hay that cows eat and throw up!"

The princess pictured the exact same thing that Roy just said. "A pile of hay...? That cows throw up...?" Peach growled darkly, her hand balled into a fist shaking with anger. "Guess what? Your ridiculous hair is like a bundle of chili peppers!"

"So what? I like chili peppers!"

"Then what about a clump of rotten spaghetti?!"

The image of moldy spaghetti with fat flies buzzing around it came up in his mind. "You better take that back or I'm gonna-!"

A dagger swiftly came between then, sinking into the table with effortless ease. The two Smashers rotated their heads to the one who launched the projectile; the end of the table. Negative aura flowed out of a weary Marth like a river. He was wearing a thin, ultramarine sweater and jeans. His arms were crossed on the table. His head was resting on them, only allowing a quarter of his face to be visible. His uncovered eye was like a murderer's.

"Hey, I'm trying to sleep here. Please lower your voice or the table won't be the only thing that will be punctured."

"You stay out of this, Marth!" Roy glared at him.

"Do you know how dangerous it is throwing knives around!" Peach scolded.

"You should be a little more understanding," said a voice behind them. Roy glanced back.

"Ike!" he said in surprised voice. The tall youth towered over his friend with a small smile.

"Marth didn't get any sleep for two weeks because of all of these occasions that are happening, so he's really moody nowadays," he explained as he plucked the dagger from its landing spot. Ike tossed it back to his tired friend. Marth lifelessly raised one arm to catch it. "Thanks," he murmured his voice barely audible.

Roy studied Ike more closely.

"Ike."

"What is it?"

"Are you growing your hair out?"

"Oh, you noticed, huh? This is for the cosplay event."

"What! You knew about it beforehand!" Peach exclaimed.

"Marth was supposed to manage this, but I replaced him because of his current state."

"What's the theme this time?" Roy asked.

"Se-cret," Ike answered.

"Okay, people! Listen up!" Crazy Hand boomed. "My helpers are passing out your roles, so read them carefully!" The Wire-Frames walked down the room, handing out paper without pause. Roy lazily took his, and began to read slowly.

"Vocaloids?" Red said.

"Aren't they voice synthesizers with characters for each of them?" Snake asked as he finished reading. "That's right," Crazy Hand replied. "Some of you are going to cosplay as the characters. And perform at a concert."

"Wait, wait. Why didn't you say anything about singing?" Roy interrogated.

"I wanted that to be a surprise. Because of this new activity that's added, you'll all have four months to prepare."

"What!" Roy shouted in disbelief.

"Fine, three."

"Ughhh," the red-head growled.

"I've never sung a lot before...," Link confessed.

"Not to worry, I've already hired voice coaches for you all. I'd also like to give a prize to an individual."

He turned his head to Marth, who was still sleeping. "Marth has already completed his job of looking exactly like the character he's cosplaying."

"When did he do that?!" Roy interjected. "See for yourself," the hand answered casually. "Flip your paper to the other side." Roy flipped his paper, and studied it intently. It had the names of some of the Smashers and Vocaloid characters adjacent with the corresponding cosplayers. He went down the list until he found the name "Marth". There was a hyphen in between that name and another; "Kaito". _Okay, so he's cosplaying as this "Kaito", but I wonder how they look similar?_ The red-head pondered. He then moved onto the picture of Kaito. Roy had a shocked look on his face and looked deathly pale. "What's the matter?" Sonic asked. "This ... can't... be," Roy uttered, still holding the paper. Sonic took it from him and went wide-eyed.

"Whoa, this guy looks just like Marth!" the hedgehog exclaimed.

"Really?" asked Olimar.

"You're right!" agreed Fox.

"Now that that's settled, I'd like to give the prize to the winner," Crazy Hand announced. He nudged Marth awake. "What? I'm tired."

"Sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep, but I want to tell you that you have just won an all expense-paid trip to Delfino Plaza!" Confetti fell down on the blue-haired youth. The other Smashers clapped in approval. "Hurray," Marth cheered unenthusiastically. "And you can also bring along one person with you," Crazy Hand finished. "Hmph," came the answer. "That's all, folks!" the hand concluded. People crowded the prize-winner, asking or ordering him to choose them as his travelling buddy. "Choose me, or I'll break your neck," Snake threatened. "Yikes," Marth said. "If you bring me along, I'll give you have a castle," King Dedede offered.

"Everyone except for Marth-kun, OUT!" Crazy Hand screamed. The Smashers rushed out as fast as they can. Only Marth and the Crazy Hand remained.

"Thank you," the prince thanked.

"Don't mention it. I have my own motives, you know. First, I want to congratulate you. I'm just green with envy."

"Please don't bother me. I really feel like killing someone."

Ignoring the threat, the hand went on. "I also want to make a request."

"Shoot."

"Can you by any chance bring me along to Delfino Plaza?"

There was a moment of silence until Marth spoke.

"Greedy."

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The Smashers walked back to their respective rooms, chatting among themselves.

"Samus-san, can I ask you something?" Link questioned.

"Sure."

"Why don't you want to go to Delfino Plaza like the others?"

"Um, I guess it's just not a place I'd enjoy. What about you?"

"It's not that I didn't want to go, but I simply think it's unfair to swarm Marth-kun like that."

"Self-sacrificing as always, huh?"

"I guess you could say that. Princess Zelda, why don't you want to go?" Link asked the Hylian princess who was quietly walking with them. "I think I'm just too shy to talk to people," Zelda answered. Link chuckled softly. "That really sounds like you, princess."

"Please stop calling me princess, Link-kun."

"Why do you say that, princess?"

Zelda stopped dead in her tracks, leaned on the wall, and started to twiddle her fingers.

"Because, it makes you sound a little distant from me," she answered with difficulty. Link came up to her without warning, placed a hand on the wall beside the princess, and leaned closer.

"Then shall I call you Zelda-chan?" he asked playfully as he lightly lifted her chin. Zelda's whole face turned into a deep shade of red. She tried to speak, but no words came out.

"Am I interrupting something?" Marth asked, who had just come into view.

"No, nothing at all." Link smiled kindly, and took his hand off the wall.

"If you two were enjoying the moment, please continue. Sorry for interrupting." He started to walk past them.

"I think I'll also head back to my room," Samus said. She didn't walk five steps when Marth collapsed on the floor. "Marth-san, are you all right?" she asked worriedly as she rushed over to him. "I'm fine. I'll just roll back."

"Are you sure you don't need help?" Link asked.

"Don't trouble yourselves," the prince replied as he started to barrel-roll down the hallway.

"Poor Marth," Samus murmured. "He didn't get any rest for weeks."

"He doesn't mind too much," said a voice from behind. Samus turned to face Roy. "And his cranky behavior was all an act."

"Why would he do that?"

"Marth is a type of person who doesn't want others to concern themselves with his problems. And even when he smiles or laughs, he might have inner conflicts that are locked up inside for no one but himself to burden." Samus looked at him in amazement.

"Wow. I thought you were a complete idiot, but I guess not."

"What do you mean by that?!" Roy foamed furiously.

"Just kidding," Samus said blissfully. "You better catch up to him before he falls down the stairs." Just then, they heard *thump, thump, thump, thump...* and "ow, ow, ow, ow....".

"Speak of the devil," Link chuckled. "Marth can be such an idiot sometimes," Roy sighed and sprinted off. "Well, I think we should all get back to our rooms," the hero of time suggested.

"Yeah," Samus agreed. The bounty hunter took a few steps and swiveled around. "Zelda, can you stop by at my room for a second?"

"Um, sure," she answered and started to follow her friend.

"Princess," Link said.

Zelda turned around, reddening again. "Yes?"

"What I said before, that was just a joke."

"I understand."

"And one more thing," Link added.

"Yes?"

"I give you my deepest apology for my behavior from before," he said as he gave a deep bow and his signature smile. "Good night, princess."

_____________________________________________________________________________

Finally, I'm done! Did I end the chapter well or was it bad? Please comment!

I'll try to update as soon as possible!


	2. Chapter 2: A Few Changes

Hey, everyone! Sorry this chapter took so long! Homework is so annoying! I almost forgot. I don't own Super Smash Bros. Brawl or Vocaloid.

SSBB belongs to Nintendo

Vocaloid belongs to Yamaha

Please enjoy it and R&R! Don't forget to check out my other stories!

The automatic door shut behind them. Zelda daintily took a seat on the sofa, while Samus plopped down beside her.

"That was such a long conference." The bounty hunter heaved a long sigh.

"Um, wasn't there something you wanted to discuss with me?" Zelda inquired.

"Hm? Oh yeah." Samus turned somber. "Zelda, I might be leaving."

"What do you mean?" The Hylian did not fully comprehend what her friend just said. "Y-you mean, forever?"

"Maybe. It's not that I don't like it here, just that I want to get back to the old business."

"Do you mean fighting Space Pirates and other dangerous enemies?"

"That's the plan."

"Oh," Zelda said quietly.

"You shouldn't worry too much about it. It's just a thought," Samus put in quickly with a nervous smile. Then she looked up at the ceiling as if it were a screen projecting her memories. "So much happened in the last few years."

"You're right," Zelda agreed as she remembered the first time she stepped into the Smash Mansion and when Tabuu attempted to invade other worlds.

Samus turned to her friend. "Remember you used to be scared of me?"

"That was four years ago," Zelda reasoned. "Now you're a lot nicer to everyone."

Samus gazed at the ceiling once more with a faint grin. "When I was a bounty hunter, I thought only about survival and vengeance. When I came to this place, I met different people who hardly understood. There was also a big difference that separated us; many of them fought to protect, but I only fought for revenge. That's what really changed me. I found a new meaning in life."

"Do you remember the first time we've met?"

"Yeah, I do."

_Flashback:_

_Zelda carefully searched for the book she had been looking for. The princess scanned four long shelves, but no avail. "Why are these all atlases or biographies?" she wondered to herself. She strolled down the spacious library and spotted another Smasher. Zelda warily approached the stranger and brought up the courage to speak. _

"_Um, excuse me?"_

"_What do you want?" The stranger scowled. She was wearing a blue-green turtleneck sweater and black sweatpants. She was carrying a bundle of books._

"_Umm, could you please tell me where the fiction section is?"_

"_Fiction books are all at the end of the room."_

"_T-thank you, miss..."_

"_Samus Aran."_

"_Thank you, Samus-san."_

"_Whatever, just leave me alone."_

"_Are you all right? Are you hurt?"_

"_GO AWAY!" Samus cringed and stormed off, and accidently dropped a book as she left. Zelda walked over and retrieved it. It was a collection of fairy tale stories. _

Strange, she doesn't seem to be the type to choose a book like this_, thought Zelda. _Maybe... she never had her happy ending.

_A few minutes later, Zelda exited the library and headed to the Smashers' began looking around in vain to find Samus' room. _

"_What are you up to, princess," a voice asked behind her. The Hylian princess jumped in surprise. _

"_Oh, it's just you, Link-kun. Do you by any chance know where Samus-san's room is? "_

"_Samus-san? I thought many people tend to avoid her."_

"_I just have to drop something off that she forgot."_

_Link smiled. "I see. Conveniently for you, Samus-san's room is right in front of you."_

"_Thank you very much."_

"_Don't thank me; you're the one who's doing a good thing. Well, I'm off, can't miss my fourth match. Goodbye, princess." He hurried off._

_Zelda set down the book and left._

_Samus returned from her daily training. She noticed the book lying in front of her door. She glowered at it but picked it up. A small note fell out. Samus snatched it with her superior reflexes before it hit the ground. She quickly scanned it._

_It said:_

_You dropped this at the library, so I checked it out for you._

_I hope you enjoy it._

_-Zelda_

Was it that woman? _she thought . Samus unlocked the door and walked in. She then crumpled up the note and threw it into the trash can. Closing the door, she murmured to herself, "So it's Zelda, huh? I'll remember that name."_

_Present:_

"Okay, let's back on topic. Do you think that I'm making the right decision about leaving?"

"If you really want to go, you should."

"It's difficult to decide what to do. A part of me wants to go, but the other half doesn't."

"I also have a problem like that. I-I really want to confess to-"

"Who?" the bounty hunter asked eagerly.

"I-it's nothing," Zelda blurted quickly, turning red. "I guess my mouth just slipped."

"Come on, I can keep a secret."

"I-it's really nothing."

"If you insist."

"I think I've stayed here too long. We should both get some sleep."

"Yeah, we should," Samus agreed with a yawn. "'Night."

"Good night."

* * *

Falco perched on the rooftop, cleared his throat, and gave his best rooster cry. It echoed through the mansion, waking everyone from their sleep.

"Nooo," Marth groaned as he took refuge from the incoming sunlight under the covers.

"I feel like burning something," Roy said to himself.

"Chicken!" Ike piped two octaves higher than his regular voice as he suddenly awoke by Falco's cry. His shoulder-down was under the covers; he was wearing pajamas with patterns of drumsticks on them, and a nightcap that went along with it.

"Spaghetti!" Mario cried out as he jumped out of bed.

"Mama-Luigi!" Luigi shrieked.

Zelda yelped, literally shooting out from her bed.

"I feel a great disturbance in the aura," Lucario mused as he remained in his cross-sitting position.

"Fight me!" Meta Knight thundered and lashed out with Galaxia from his... cradle, but finding that no one else was around him.

"I'm giving him no mercy in our next battle," Wolf growled darkly.

"Charizard! Rip out his vocal chords!" Red ordered in an infuriated tone as he released the fire-type Pokemon from the Pokeball.

Toon Link slowly slumped up with unimaginable malevolence that rose off of him, unsheathed his sword and grinned like a psychotic killer, eyes dilated.

"What the hell's with all that racket!" screeched Peach as she began to effortlessly destroy the furniture with her frying pan and golf club.

Samus got up and rubbed her tired eyes.

"He's as loud as ever," Link murmured.

"He will die," Ganondorf vowed.

"We should get up," Popo considered as he pulled off the blanket.

"Noo, just a few more minutes," Nana moaned as she pulled twin back into bed, making Popo yelped.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" Captain Falcon hollered, attempting to copy Falco.

"What, you too?" Snake, his roommate, asked in dibelief, who was up all night looking at dirty magazines.

"_Bleep beep bleep beep, bleep beep, bleeeeeeep!_" Mr. Game & Watch beeped hysterically.

"I wouldn't want to know what that means," Sonic commented, who was on the bunk above the 2-D Smasher.

* * *

Ness opened the window and inhaled some fresh air as Falco was barely dodging a sadistic, Charizard-mounted Toon Link in the background. He walked down to the breakfast room in a forest green shirt and black sweatpants. Everyone else was already there, slowly eating their breakfast. Snake was drinking coffee, Kirby was devouring everything he could, Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong were eating bananas, the Pokemon were chewing on Poffins, and Marth was licking ice-cream.

"Marth-kun, why are you eating ice-cream in the morning?" Popo asked with his sister clinging onto him like usual.

"It's the only thing that will wake me up."

"Why not espresso?

"........... Ice-cream tastes better."

"I see."

"Good afternoon, everyone!" Crazy Hand saluted.

"It's six in the morning," Snake corrected.

Ignoring the mercenary's comment, the hand continued. "Since everyone is up and ready to train, let's go over all of the roles."

Everyone groaned.

"Oh my, was that a cheer of enthusiasm I have just heard? Then let's get started. Everyone is scheduled to meet in room #123 at 6:30 sharp. Any personal that is late will face a penalty."

Everyone gulped uneasily.

"That includes you too, Sheik-chan!" Crazy Hand said loud enough for her to hear. "See you then, everyone!"

* * *

The Crazy Hand scanned the room. "Wow, I'm surprised that everyone's here."

"And I'm surprised that you're late," Falco shot back.

"I'm the boss. I can do whatever I want."

"That doesn't change the fact that the leader should follow his own regulations," Snake argued.

"I fear that we'll never be good friends, Snake –kun. Now, let's get to the main point. Even if you do not have a main part in this performance, I still assigned roles for most of you. Everyone please read over the allotment list."

Main Roles:

Samus Aran- Hatsune Miku

Zelda- Meiko

Marth Lowell- Shion Kaito

Popo- Kagamine Len

Nana- Kanigame Rin

Ike- Kamui Gakupo

Lyndis- Megurine Luka

Roy- Shion Akaito

Sheik- Akita Neru

Lucas- Shion Nigaito

Peach- Kasane Teto

Ness- Hikaru

Pit- Kurane Zanda

Red- Renzi Soune

Toon Link- Kazamine Retsu

Toon Zelda- Kazamine Sen

Pikachu- Hachune Miku (mascot)

Backstage Help:

ROB- lights technician

Diddy Kong- ROB's little helper

Snake- special effects manager/technician

Mr. Game & Watch- Snake's little helper

Captain Douglass Jay Falcon- bodyguard/chauffeur

Ganondorf- bodyguard/chauffeur

Donkey Kong- bodyguard/chauffeur

Lucario- bodyguard/chauffeur

Fox McCloud- chauffeur

Wario- bodyguard

Mario- manager of "Mario's Pizza Parlor"

Luigi- pizza chef

Kirby- pizza chef

Wolf- security guard

Meta Knight- security guard

Bowser- Fan-Mob Disperser

Jigglypuff- "Unwanted Guests" disposer

Sonic- D.J.

Yoshi- "Quick Get-Away" transporter

Captain Olimar and Pikmin-

After everyone finished reading, the Crazy Hand was buried in a buffet of questions.

"Why are there some UTAUloids in this? I thought this only involved Vocaloids!"

"I see you've done your homework, Roy-kun," Crazy Hand replied calmly.

"Puff, Jigglypuff, puff, puff?! (_Why don't I get to sing"?!_)" Jigglypuff puffed angrily.

"You do get to sing, but only to the 'unwanted guests.'"

"I-I can't be a pizza chef! I don't even know how to prepare pasta!" Luigi spluttered.

"Since you're Italian, I presumed that you knew. Oh, well. You'll just have to learn."

"What if Kirby eats all of the pizzas?" Mario inquired.

"That'll be your problem."

"Hey, how come I don't get to drive?" Wario demanded.

"I don't trust you at the wheel."

"Why the hell did you put me in as a friggin' security guard?" Wolf barked.

"I put you in as a _friggin'_ security guard in the hopes that you'll become a _good_ security guard."

"What does a Fan-Mob Disperser do?" Bowser asked.

"It's quite simple. You just have to scare away dangerous numbers of drooling fan-boys and squealing fan-girls."

"What's a 'Quick Get-Away' Transporter?" Yoshi questioned.

"Ah, that's one of the most important jobs. When one of our lead performers is cornered by their relentless fans, it's your job to get them out of there."

"What do I sing?"

"How high do I have to go?"

"Do I have to cut my hair again?"

"Toon Zelda isn't here. How can I contact her?"

"I'm _not_ wearing a skimpy outfit again."

"Do I really have to do this?"

"Is this going to be any fun?"

I don't want to drive around for the whole day."

"Do we get any breaks?"

Crazy Hand couldn't take it anymore. His "Crazy Level" was being overloaded. Several veins popped in anger. All at once, he released his madness.

"SHUT, UUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP!" he screamed in an ear-piercing voice as he fired a round of missiles from every finger. The room fell silent.

Crazy Hand calmed himself, murmuring, "Find your happy place. Yes, your happy place. Deep breaths now..."

He continued after he collected himself. "Sorry about that. Okay, so everyone will get a job description after the meeting. All lead performers must report to Room #158. There, you will, get your hair styled, your costumes, contact lenses, and additional makeovers that are required. This meeting has ended!"

The Smashers shuffled out of the room.

Oh, yes. Peach-chan, please bring Lyn-chan as well."

"Will do."

* * *

"This is it. Room 158," peach affirmed.

"So, why am I here?" Lyn inquired.

"Master Hand decided that you'll be in this event. So you're going to have to get a makeover," the blonde chirped

"Is cosplaying fun?"

"Not when you do it over and over again. And I have a pretty bad felling about this one."

"We'll see." Lyn pushed open the metal doors.

Most Smashers were in barber chairs, screaming or grumbling darkly. Nana was strapped down, since she was kicking and screaming about how she doesn't want to become a "stupid blonde", while her brother tried to comfort her with no success. Roy was growling from the haircut he was given, although it was more of a wee trim. Marth, of course, did not have to suffer as much as the others. Nearby, Pit getting his hair dyed black. The Wire-Frame who was in charge of Red was already finished with his haircut and was now dying the Pokemon Trainer's hair dark-blue. Lucas had his hair combed down and was dyed green. Ike already had his hair dyed purple. Beside Red, another clump of Link's hair dropped to the floor. Despite the amount of hair he was losing, the Hylian was still smiling broadly. Nana gave him a strange expression which meant, "How can you be so happy at a time like this?" . Samus was quietly pouting that her hair was dyed turquoise. Zelda was whimpering as a Wire-Frame pulled out a pair of razor-sharp scissors. The sharp edges gleamed wickedly. Before the Wire-Frame had a chance to even snip a hair, Peach rushed to her friend and knocked the barber out of the way with her hip, all in one motion, and eagerly asked, "So, Zelda, are you really getting a haircut? Don't worry; I won't let them touch a hair on your head. Instead..." The blonde pulled out a bolt cutter from out of nowhere and began to snip them over her head with evil twinkles in her eyes. "... I'll just do it myself!"

"That is not necessary," Crazy Hand declared firmly.

"Fine, fine. I wasn't really going to do it anyways."

"Peach-chan and Lyn-chan, please follow me." The hand floated to two empty barber chairs, and the two followed. "C4327 and C4328, please take care of these two ladies."

Peach and Lyn settled into the empty chairs as two Female Wire-Frames approached them.

"Please sit still and we will be finished in approximately one hour," they said in a robotic voice. _____________________________________________________________________________

"I love my new hair color!" Peach squealed with delight as she examined her newly dyed, ruby hair. Her hair was now a little shorter with two drill locks hanging down from both sides of her head.

"That's easy for you to say," Lyn murmured with her face on the table. Her once straight, green hair was now slightly wavy and cherry blossom pink. "Why did I sign up for this?"

"I warned you that I had a bad feeling," giggled Peach as she played with her hair like a baby would with a rattle.

"Then why are you the one who's so happy?" Lyndis grumbled, almost inaudible.

Zelda was having a harder time than Lyn. She burst into tears and ran out the room when she saw that her hair was now only down to her neck level.

"I was afraid that would happen," Link mentioned dismally.

Peach shook Lyn's shoulder. "Hey, Lyn. Let's just grab our costumes and leave. I'm starving."

"Okay," the swordswoman agreed reluctantly.

They went up to the counter that was labeled "Costume Pick-Up".

"Your names, please," the Wire-Frame said.

"Peach Toadstool and Lyndis," Peach affirmed.

"One moment please," the synthetic being said. It pressed a few buttons on a small device that looked like a calculator. A rack of clothes was lowered by a mechanical arm, and the Wire-Frame unhooked two costume hand handed it to the two women. "Thank you. Have a nice day."

"You too," Peach chirped back.

The two of them headed out to the closest cafeteria, chatting happily.

"I wonder how Zelda's doing," Lyn pondered.

"Don't worry; she probably locked herself up in her room, crying her eyes out!" Peach giggled.

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Zelda's been through tougher situations, so she'll get over it pretty quickly." Then Peach quickly changed the subject. "How about we try on our new costumes after lunch?"

"Sure. We're going to have to wear it later on in a day anyways."

Then a new voice joined the conversation. "Peach-chan! Lyn-chan! Is that you?"

They looked up to face Ike, with long purple hair, with a large section of it was tied into one extensive strand.

"It's Lyndis to you, "Lyn growled in irritation.

"Ike-oniisan! How did you grow your hair so fast?"

"Crazy Hand forced me to use some other brand of shampoo, so I did. When I woke up, my hair was like this. You two really look cute, especially _you_, Lyn-chan," he purred as he leaned forward to the swordswoman with one of his most flirtatious smiles. Lyn reddened a bit in embarrassment, but almost immediately landed a powerful kick to his face and barked, "_Never_ call me that again!"

Ike sailed through the air and slammed into the wall.

"All I wanted was one little kiss," the purple-haired man mumbled innocently.

"Ike-oniisan, are you all right?" Peach asked worriedly as she ran over to the fallen man.

"Let's go."

Lyn grabbed Peach by the back of her collar and dragged her down the hallway.

* * *

"He likes you," Peach commented, hoping for some juicy information to fabricate into one of her many rumors.

"He likes every cute girl he's laid eyes on," Lyn answered sharply as she continued to walk.

"No, I mean, he _really_ likes you."

"How are you so sure?"

"He's been trying to make a move on you ever since you got here," Peach answered coolly.

"He's been doing that to every single girl here, except for Jigglypuff."

"But do _you_ like him?" Peach interrogated, not being able to suppress her excitement.

"No," the pink-haired woman replied flatly. "If this is one of your schemes to start gossiping, I'm not cooperating."

"Me? Why would I do such a thing?" Peach faked with almost sincere innocuousness. "Lyn-oneesan is so mean."

"Whatever."

She stopped at the cafeteria doors and pushed it open. She walked in, and peach asked, "Hey, Lyn-oneesan?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you stop dragging me?"

Lyn just noticed that she still had a hold on her younger friend.

"Oh, sorry." Lyn unhanded Peach, and the girl lifted herself to her feet.

The cafeteria was not as crowded as usual. Only two benches were full, another half full, and the usual characters sat at the "villain" table. The two females made their way to the ordering counter, with Lyn in the lead. A female Wire-Frame confronted them.

"Welcome to the Smash Bros. Cafeteria. How may I help you?" it greeted Lyn in its usual robotic voice.

"I want to see the menu."

"Affirmative." It pressed a button, and a hologram of the menu was projected. Lyn studied the list.

"Smoked tuna sandwich, smoked salmon, Miso soup, crawfish chowder, halibut with cream sauce... Why are these all sea foods?! Isn't there anything else?"

"Access denied. Please make your choice and wait for your order at the end of the counter. Thank you."

"Don't give me that crap! Get me a vegitable quiche right now!"

"Overriding order.... Override unsuccessful. Please make your choice and wait for your order at the end of the counter. Thank you."

"FINE! I'll get some Miso soup and a tuna sandwich!"

"Thank you. Please move to the end of the counter for your order."

"Don't try to play nice with me!" Lyn seethed, and inched closer to the Wire-Frame. "Remember this. When I meet you at the Multi-man Brawl match, I'll make sure to pummel you as twice as much as the others."

"Memory stored. Please move to the end of the counter for your order. Thank you."

"Is this your idea of a joke?! Come on; let's settle the score right now!"

"Nooo, this isn't the ideal place for that!" Peach pleaded as she stood in the woman's way, waving her arms up and down at her sides.

"Fine," Lyn grumbled grudgingly, and stormed off.

* * *

Peach found Lyn and Samus and merrily hurried to them with a tray of different types of pastry.

"Did you notice the lunch menus today? They're so weird."

"I think we all know that," Lyn informed sharply.

"Lyn-oneesan was forced to get fish and you were only allowed to get pastry," Samus mused.

"What did you have to get, oneesan?" Peach questioned curiously.

Samus unhappily stared down at her food and lightly poked at it with her chopsticks. "Leeks," she answered depressingly.

"I'll share with you," Lyn sighed.

"Really? You're a lifesaver, oneesan!" Samus complimented as she glomped her senior effectionately. For the next ten minutes, they ate while chatting to each other.

At the next table, Ike was violently stabbing his pickled eggplant, muttering darkly to him, Marth elatedly took another scoop of his ice cream sundae. Roy breathed fire from the peppers he ate, shouting, "hot, hot, hot, hot!" Yoshi had an apple, a ham sandwich, and a bottle of fruit punch.

Analyzing this, Lyn said, "Did you notice that the Smashers with the special lunch menus are the singers for the concert?"

"Why do you say that?" Peach asked as she gulped down her food.

Lyn averted her gaze back to the other table. "See how Ike only has eggplants on his plate? Yoshi has a variety of things on his tray."

"Maybe nii-san is on a diet?" Peach suggested.

"He wouldn't do that to save his own life," Lyn scoffed.

"Crazy Hand definitely arranged this," Samus concluded.

"Let's go tell the Master Hand about this," Lyn said, rising from her seat.

"What about lunch?" Peach complained.

"That can wait. We first have to fix this problem. Let's go!"

Lyn yanked Peach up by the back of her collar and dragged her along. Samus followed them. The table was empty, until Peach's hand stretched back quickly swiped a croissant.

* * *

They reached Master Hand's office, and found Crazy Hand slouched against the wall beside the doors like a lazy sentry.

"Where are you headed to, ladies?"

"We want to talk to the Master Hand," Samus explained.

"I'm not sure if he's willing to talk to anyone at the moment," Crazy Hand informed jollily.

"Are you trying to stop us?"

"Of course not! Why would I do that? I'm just warning you."

He heaved himself off the wall and slowly floated past them. "It's not healthy for him, or any of you."

* * *

Lyn kicked the door down, and the trio casually entered the office.

"Master Hand, there's you should know...," Samus began, until they got a good glance at the giant hand.

"Ehhhhh!!!!!!!" they stared in utter disbelief. Peach dropped her croissant. The Master Hand was leaning back in his large chair in such an exhausted state that smoke was rising off of him. Countless letters were piled on his desk, the rest scattered on the floor.

"Too. Much. Fan-mail," he managed to say. With much difficulty, he curled his finger inward and noticed them. "Who's there? Let me guess, just more fanatical otaku, right?"

"No, it's-", Samus began, waving her hands, trying to deny the hand's ridiculous statement.

"Well I've had enough of you freaks! Get the hell out of this place!"

The Master Hand began firing a round of deadly laser beams blindly, trashing everything in the room. The Smashers ducked to the ground.

"I think it's time to leave," Lyn said.

"Y- yeah," Samus agreed.

One powerful ray of energy fried the croissant that was left on the ground. "My croissant!" Peach whined like a toddler who had his toy taken away from her.

"Too late now you idiot!" Lyn barked as she yet again pulled the young girl by the back of her collar and darted out the room after Samus. When they escaped, the bounty hunter immediately slammed the door shut. They plopped to the ground and sighed in relief, except for peach who was still mourning over the bread. Then something popped out of the ground with a "boo!", making the girls yelp in surprise.

"Gotcha," Crazy Hand said and began to giggle uncontrollably. His laughter was short lived when he noticed three, furious girls emitting negative aura were looming over him, cracking their knuckles. "It's cool though, right?" he asked nervously as sweat drops formed. "It's just a little joke. You girls won't beat me up, right?"

_A few painful minutes later..._

"Ahh, that feels so much better!" Lyn laughed as she stretched her arms out.

"I suddenly feel happier," Samus added brightly.

"I'm still angry about my bread!" Peach pouted as she sat curled up in a corner.

"I have a few questions to ask you, Crazy Hand," Samus mentioned, turning back to the hand. Crazy Hand was hammered into the floor, bruised and bloodied.

Sluggishly, he got himself upright. "I'm not in the mood to give you any information. Ha, ha, ha, ha!"

This time, Lyn stepped up. "Okay then. Would you want to go for round two?" she asked maliciously as she cracked her knuckles.

"Fine, fine, fine!" Crazy Hand shrieked quickly. "I'll tell you everything! Just don't hurt me!"

"Don't worry, we won't," Samus assured.

"No promises," Lyn grunted.

The bounty hunter bent down to Crazy hand's level. "Did you do something to the Wire-Frames at the cafeteria?"

"Well, maybe I adjusted their programming, changed everyone's wall-papers, changed everyone's wardrobe-"

"You WHAT?!" Lyn shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"Oops," Crazy Hand uttered as sweat drops rolled down the back of his hand.

"That was a fatal mistake. Now you're going to get twice the beating from before," Lyn hissed with her hands bared.

"Wahhhh! Sa- Samus-chan! Save me!"

"I'm pretty pissed about this too, so don't except any mercy from me."

The trapped victim looked around frantically. "Peach-chan?" he asked timidly in almost a whisper.

The girl steadily rose, and murmured, "my bread is destroyed, the wall-paper that took me two months to get perfect is gone..."

She then spun around with a demonic face and an inferno in the background. "HOW CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?!!!!!!!!!!"

_A few more painful minutes later..._

"S- save meee...," Crazy Hand groaned as he struggled to get up but failed. Now there was as much smoke rising from him as his brother.

"Hmph. Let's go," Samus puffed as she strode away. Her friends followed in silence, still cross with the bad news.

* * *

Was it good? Please leave your comments! As a quick notice, I want you all to know that my chapters may be shorter. Thank you for reading! :)

[ICE CREAM!]


	3. Chapter 3

Ummm... I really don't have much to say... Just enjoy and pweeze R&R!

Ike opened his eyes as the sun's beams hit his face. He yawned and looked at his clothing and around his room. He was wearing purple pajamas. The room was full of purple; eggplant decorated walls, purple blanket, an eggplant shaped alarm clock, and now even most of his clothes were now purple. Despite the shocking changes, he was too tired to make any type of expression but drowsy. "Hey, what happened to my fried chicken pajamas?"

* * *

Marth had woken up early in the morning to catch up on signing autographs and responding to fanmail. Just like Ike's room, he had some changes too. As he finished a letter, he let out a sigh and slumped back into his chair, facing the ice cream themed wallpaper. "For some reason, I always feel hungry when I look at the wall," he said to himself.

* * *

The Smashers were enjoying breakfast when the Crazy Hand pushed the doors open and entered. "Good morning, everyone," he whispered. "I don't want to wake onii-san, so let's keep very, very quiet, okay?"

Then a new voice that made Crazy Hand freeze with fear faintly said, "Actually, your onii-san is awake." The Master Hand entered the breakfast room.

"Master Hand!" Pit said, happy that they did not have to endure anymore of Crazy Hands bullying. The l=giant left hand slowly and nervously faced his brother, faking to be joyful with difficulty.

"Ah. Ha, ha, ha. Onii-san, I thought that you would be sick for a few more days, but I guess I'm wrong. Ha ha."

"I feel fine. More importantly, I want to discuss with all of you about how things were run during my absence."

"Ha, ha. Everyone, enjoy the lecture," the Crazy Hand announced cheerily. "Crazy Hand, out," he finished with a quick salute. The he shot for the doors, but his brother was faster. The Master Hand grabbed his brother by his huge thumb and pinned him to the ground. Evil aura burned off of him. "Why so hasty? Is it because of something you have done?"

"Ow, ow, ow! No that's not it! I just have to use the bathroom real bad!"

"Save it. I've already seen and heard _everything. _I'll make sure your punishment is fitting."

The Crazy Hand let out a final cry of despair. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

* * *

The Smashers were back in the conference room, along with the Master Hand. And the Crazy Hand who was taped onto a chair like a criminal.

"I'm terribly sorry about my brother's acts. Please forgive him," the right hand apologized.

There were grumbles and murmurs of disapproval.

"I say we burn him at the stake!" Samus yelled out evilly.

"I agree!" Lyn consented

"I'll cut him to ribbons!" Ike cried out.

"Firing squad," Snake suggested.

"Punn!" Kirby interjected, which meant _"Let's eat him!"_

The Master Hand tried to calm them down. "Hey, hey! This isn't a courthouse!"

Once the mob was assuaged, he cleared his throat and continued. "Although he has caused you discomfort and torment, his objective is beneficial."

The constrained convict lifted his battered fingers. Like a prisoner who had been locked in captivity and gone mad, he screeched, "ha, ha! See? He just said I was helpful! I'm innocent! I'm innocent!" Then he started to avidly swing back and forth in his hard, wooden seat, giggling and laughing hysterically. Annoyed by this, Lyn punched him in the palm, making him faint. "Shut up! You're annoying!"

Ignoring this, the Master Hand went on. "His goal was to get everyone in depth with their character to make it more... realistic. I can't really do anything about these drastic modulations, and we must catch up on more crucial things, such as the concert."

Ike butted in. "Why can't you do anything? My room's an ABOMINATION"

The Master slowly rotated to the swordsman, letting himself hang low to the ground. "Ike-kun, let me explain why. One: It will take too much time. And two:..." The hand yelled in his face, rubbing his index finger and thumb together, "do you know how much MONEY that would waste?!" Turning away, he gazed off into space, warped into his own world. A spotlight shone upon him, just like it did to Captain Falcon two chapters ago. Passionately, he stated in a dramatic voice, "imagine, using so much of those precious treasures that I scraped together so carefully on mere renovations. Such a dark thought. Oh, that is a _true_ abomination."

_He's definitely back to normal_, everyone thought as giant sweat drops of disbelief formed on their heads.

* * *

"All singers are to report to auditorium #26 immediately. Please bring your costumes with you," the Wire-Frame on the announcements said. "Every other Smasher is to report to auditorium #27. Thank you."

The girls were all relaxing in the lounge.

"Geez, he doesn't give us any breaks does he," Lyn murmured as she closed the book that she was reading.

"Where's Zelda-neechan?" Peach inquired.

"I haven't seen her all morning," Samus blinked in surprise.

"She's at the bar," grumbled Snake. He was in a self-propelled wheelchair. His body shoulder-down was in casts.

"Snake-oniisan? What happened to you?" Samus asked.

Nana approached him. "Did you pick a fight with Ganon-oniisan again?"

"Hell no. It- it was Zelda."

Everyone's jaw dropped.

"Y- you mean, Zelda did that to you?!" Lyn asked, flabbergasted.

Snake looked down in embarrassment. "Yeah, I guess so."

"You think it's safe to go near her?" Peach whispered to Samus.

"I don't think so. But she has to come with us or she'll get scolded by the Master Hand. Lyn-oniisan, what should we do?"

Lyn was still recovering from the shock. "We're her closest friends, so I think it's safe."

They hurried off to the bar, leaving Snake and Nana. The young girl asked the mercenary, "So you can't move, onii-san?"

"I can only move my neck. Everything else is destroyed. Luckily for me, it's only gonna take five days to heal, thanks to the technology here."

"If you can't move, then I guess I can do this," Nana teased and plucked off the cap of a marker.

Snake stared blankly. "What are you doing?"

Nana held his head with one hand and scribbled on his face with the marker.

"Hey, stop that!" Snake demanded. "Stop drawing on my face!"

Nana finished her doodling and stepped back to marvel at her work. "Ha, ha! Now Snake-oniisan looks uglier than ever!"

"What the hell did you draw on my face?!"

"Mmm, nothing," the Ice Climber responded sweetly as she began to poke the handicapped man.

"Hey, stop it. Stop it, that's annoying. Cut that out damn it!"

Then he began to chase her around the room. The wheelchair moved at a slow pace, which Nana found hilarious as she skipped away from him. Finding a large mirror, she pushed it to Snake so that he could see his reflection. "Hey, onii-san! Take a look at yourself." Snake peered into the mirror and saw that the girl had drawn a unibrow, a thick moustache and beard, and other strange things on his face.

"What do you think of yourself, onii-san?" Nana asked provokingly.

Snake tried to speak, but no words came out. His expression was just like Vincent van Gogh's "Scream".

"Oh, I just forgot to tell you," Nana said evilly. "It's _permanent._"

The mercenary slammed his face against the glass, shattering it, but his forehead started to bleed because of the impact. He swayed from side to side, and fell down unconscious.

"See ya!" Nana chirped and skipped away after her friends, leaving Snake in a bloody mess.

A few minutes later, Marth found him and knelt down beside him. "He's unconscious. Snake-oniisan, are you alright? Onii-san?"

YES! Finally done! I love the Master Hand. He's stealing the Jokers lines and modifying them. Please comment!


End file.
